stOriEs

Sunday, July 23, 2006

是否爱云?

这个故事发生在2000年,当时在同一所学校里俊熙念高三而云念高一。他们在偶然的机会下碰面,这也开始了一段美丽但错误的恋情。

一开始云并不认识俊熙,只知道他是朋友的干哥哥。有一天,云在体育馆里看见俊熙,看见他一个人坐在一个角落里闷闷不乐,云好想过去跟他说话但又因为不认识他而犹豫了。回到家里时,云越想就越不妥,所以就跟朋友拿了俊熙的电话,发了个简讯给他,就这样他们成了朋友。

过了不久,在朋友的撮合下,俊熙就向云表明说,希望云能做他的女友。当时,云可能因为年纪还小,所以不怎么懂得如何应对,虽然说自己知道并不怎么了解俊熙,也搞不清楚状况,但还是一夜间成了俊熙的女友。

在一起后,俊熙对云很好,而云很庆幸自己作出了明智的选择,也觉得自己是全世界最幸福的女孩。因为住的很近,他们俩每天都一起上下学,同学们都投于羡慕的眼光。俊熙不知道的是,在云的内心深处早就把他当成自己的真命天子了,也很希望他们会永远这样幸福到老。

但是在他们在一起的两个月后,坏事发生了,疼爱俊熙并抚养他长大的祖母与世长辞了。对俊熙而言这是晴天霹雳的坏消息,他一直 无法接受这个事实,整个都憔悴了下来。在一旁的云看了痛在心里,但却又不知道要如何帮助俊熙,减轻他内心的负担。俊熙变的沉默寡言,什么心事多不跟云说,当时云觉得很无助,但因为不想让俊熙更烦所以也没多说什么。每当云和俊熙碰面时,俊熙都会装得若无其事,但俊熙越是这样做云越担心,因为云清楚的知道俊熙的笑声是为了要隐藏他的心在滴血的事实。所以每当云看见俊熙时都想办法逗俊熙开心,但云从来都不知道这样的举动无形中带给了俊熙不必要的压力。

云始终无法捉摸俊熙内心的想法,觉得自己身为他的女友很没用,因为俊熙宁可向朋友倾诉也不愿意向云吐出自己的痛苦。

晴天霹雳的事又发生了,俊熙向云提出了分手。原因是因为俊熙觉得自己没有办法在这样难过的心情下继续谈这场恋爱。虽然,云心里有一千个一万个不舍,但还是接受了俊熙的要求,就这样他们结束了这场感情。

分手后的几天,俊熙发了个简讯给云,说到:“我好想你”。云顿时就瓦解了,她好想回复俊熙说“我何尝不是呢?”但为了不让俊熙有任何牵挂好好的养伤,云狠下心来回复了:“有这个必要吗?我们已经分手了。”过后俊熙就没有再回复了。云伤心的哭了,但却清楚的知道这是对俊熙最好的,也是她最后能为他做的了。

云开始过着没有俊熙陪伴的生活,每天早上云都会装得若无其事的上学,但一到了晚上云又开始以泪洗面。

这样的日子维持了很久,但在这段时间,云三番四次的发简讯给俊熙,想方设法的想维持他们的友谊,为了就是知道俊熙过的好不好,也为了给自己心灵上的安慰。

几个星期后,俊熙说自己有了心上人,云的心顿时又碎了,心中燃起了很多疑问。“他不是说没有心情谈恋爱吗?”“他为什么要撒谎,他是不是不曾爱过我?到底是为了什么?”
但这些问题云都压在心里,强忍着泪水祝福俊熙。

其实他们分手后俊熙给了周遭的朋友很多不一样的理由,而这些理由都跟给云的不一样,但云心里坚信俊熙给她的理由,所以也没做出任何的解释。云身边的朋友都劝她忘了俊熙,好好的活下去,但云有始之终都做不到。

事隔了五年,俊熙和云都过着各自的生活,有了各自的伴。因为有共同认识的朋友所以偶尔会碰面,每当碰面时,云心里都会有一股莫名的心痛。因为有始之终,云的心中仍然很关心俊熙,很怀念和他在一起的美好时光。

在云的心中一直 都有一个很大的遗憾,那就是没法问俊熙是否有真心爱过她,如果有,那么当初为什么要如此得伤害她?

可能云得到了解答后,或许能够解开心中的结,彻底的放下。

但云知道她不可能会有机会问这些问题,因为她不想破坏自己辛苦建立起跟俊熙的友谊,所以她会带着这些遗憾到老到死。

不管如何,云知道自己会做哪个永远守护俊熙的人,不管是情人或朋友,云都希望俊熙能得到幸福,过着开心的生活,即使是说他的幸福里根本没有云。


作者:伊婷

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

The love lost but not found


We knew each other for 4 years. We were good friends but were never really that close. He was like my brother who always teased me (which was really annoying at the time) but also stood up for me. He had said many times before that he liked me but no one really took it that seriously. I was still trying to get over a broken heart when that day came. We were all in front of the school just chillin before the bell rang when he said ,"(my name)? She's my girlfriend." Obviously he was joking. But I rode along with it. "yeah it's been 'us' for a while now. you never knew?" I answered to my friends.

Days went on and so did the "joke". The one who had broken my heart a few months prior started calling and asking if the "joke" was true. I never could lie to him. But still he didn't believe me. I didn't have anyone else at the time so I turned to my so-called-"boyfriend".
He made me forget about my "ex". We started hanging out more and the joke became more believable (but really was STILL a joke). Weeks went on and he always brought my books, stayed with me after school, walked me to volleyball practice and so on. And I heard from my friends that the joke was no joke anymore, that HE really had feelings for me. I didn't know what to do. I was gonna leave for another country in two months and I too, though I never did admit it, had feelings for him. It developed until it was love but it never did become 'us'. It was like that probably the last month of my stay there. I was in heaven and I had never been happier in my life.
The day of my departure came. He told me (when we were at the airrport) right before I left that He's always liked me since the first time we met, but he could never find a way to get through to me or anyone else. He wished that the joke had happened a few years earlier. THough he loved me truely, he just couldn't risk a long distance relationship. I understood him but it still hurt alot. And It would be unfair of me to make him wait. So, with one last hug and a lot of tears, we parted ways.

We don't communicate anymore. I think it's because niether of us want to be reminded of our love not found but was lost. I tried calling him several times but the signal was horrible and we couldn't understand each other. Maybe it was just not meant to be... But how I wish it was.....

Sunday, July 16, 2006

挣扎

挣扎

词:张栋梁 曲:宇恒

还记得 你说过
我们回不去了
也知道 过去的守侯
挽不回什么
我看到 结束的时候
你眼角不舍的泪
(你难以抉择的泪)
仿佛在告诉我有一天爱会回来


这是你要的吗?
你能不能回答
(你怎么不回答)
为何你眼中还有挣扎


是不是在想他
他比我更好吗?
寂寞的时候
会想我还是他
(是爱我?是爱他?)


不应该再等待
不要再受伤害
爱过以后 我却只能说
终于明白
可能有时候
爱总是不完美

Saturday, July 15, 2006

上了生命中的一堂课

窗外又开始下起了绵绵细雨,突然想起五年前的那个时候。。

这些年来,每当想起时,我都会反复的问自己哪个问题。
当初跟你在一起是否出与同情或是因为我真的喜欢你。现在的我已经很成熟了,我想我可以回答这个问题了。当初选择和你在一起是因为我被你的真诚感动了,但是哪个时候的我还小,根本都不知道要如何向你说明自己的心情。所以当时我带给了你许多伤害,和痛苦。其实我很一直都很遗憾,我不知道当初的决定是否对或错,我是真的不想伤害你的。

虽然我也曾很受伤,但我不曾后悔当初和你在一起。是你教会我如何才算是爱,也是你教会了我许多做人应该有的执着和道理。其实我真的很感激你,但一直都没机会对你说声谢谢及对不起。

有时候我会怨上苍让我在错的时候认识了你,如果我现在才认识你,结局是否还会一样?但那其实也已经不再重要了。

和你在一起的那一段日子是我生命中一段很重要的回忆。我会珍惜认识你的这段缘分,希望你也一样。。。

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Lost of my love



From the first day that I am layed my eyes upon her. I knew she was the one. From the endless night and the dreamful days. All i could do is think about her. I didn't know how love feels until i met her. She showed me the light, she showed me her love, she showed me my future. And today its all gone. Looking at her for the last time in my life. Feelings rush in my heart for her more stronger. Knowing she belongs to someone else. I just couldn't do anything. I couldn't touch her lips. OH GOD Its hurts so bad.

When i met her again for the final time. I huged her so hard. Kissing her forhead. As i took her hand to the car. I couldn't stop looking at her. Closing her eyes as I place my love gift on her neck and Kissed the Pendant in the name of GOD. As we go to the movies hand in hand. Looking at her knowing shes my frist life. But also knowing shes someone else. God it hurts so bad.

When i left her at the airport, All i can do was cry. Looking at her for the final time in my life. Hurted me more and more. she huged me so hard that i felt she had the same feelings. But i knew she was just looking for my happiness.




I know she will be mine in heaven. And i shall wait for her. I promise I will wait for you.

By Sohail-

Monday, July 03, 2006

永恒不变

永恒不变是个美丽的谎言。

小孩子问:“这朵花很漂亮!妈咪,我可以带回家吗?我会好好保护它的。真的。。我会放在盒子里。。我。。我会每天浇水。” 天真。再美的花儿也会凋谢。残留在盒子里的花,你还会要吗? 孩子说:“不会的!树上的花没有人保护,才会凋谢。我会照顾它的!”(总是认为小孩子最会说谎了。。因为他们说谎时真的相信那是真的。呵呵。)


男向女承诺:“我会一生一世爱着你,直到海枯石烂,直到天苍地老!” 女只是甜蜜地笑了笑。这只是语言的工具,海枯石烂时你早已上了天堂,天苍地老时你的躯体已经回归大自然。何来的爱情?

对我而言,永恒不变虽然是个善意的谎言,却会带给自己不必要的伤害。它会让人忘记怎么在黑暗里行走。 此时此刻在你身旁的人,现在沉浸在的快乐,目前安逸的生活,不可能一辈子跟随着你。 但是,你会慢慢开始习惯他们的存在,甚至过于依赖。当你失去时就有如失去了双足,不知道如何继续前进。你会茫然,你会无助,你会感到失落。你会怀疑这世界到底有什么是真的属于你自己的。不是吗?所以在无风无浪的日子里,你也得不断提醒,为任何变化做好准备。


“ ‘Forever’ is a beautiful white lie that you and I know is not true. Telling someone that you love them forever is a lie that will bring so much pain, because you and I know that no one can be there for you forever. You are so much indulging in the happiness that you are in now, and you are so used to having someone around to shelter you. You did not realized that you are slowly losing the courage to live on by yourself. So in the peaceful days that you are in now, do constantly remind yourself to be ready for any changes, because there is nothing that is really forever.”